Roller Coaster Ride

I want to say thank-you to everyone who has helped us. Secondly, I started this blog to write about my thoughts and feelings, so I am going to do that.



It's been roughly 3 months since we lost our second child. And it still hurts some days. Other days are okay. The first couple weeks were the hardest. How do you tell people what happened when they didn't know you were pregnant? I just tell them. In emails and phone calls, I told my closest Friends. In person for one of them just last weekend. No one knows what to say. Everyone tries to say things they think are comforting including (but not limited to): you're young, you shouldn't have a problem getting pregnant again, these things happen, they're quite common now, and numerous other phrases. Since the words are meant in a comforting tone (not to hurt) I accept everything anyone has told me, even though the words hurt. The exception is one sentence: It's better this way. It is not. It is awful to lose a child in any way. Whether born or unborn. No one likes to talk about it. But it should be talked about. I supported March of Dimes before this happened; now I support them even more. The best thing people have said to me is I'm sorry and left it at that.



We are left without any solid answers. And have to accept it. For anyone who may be wondering, my illness did not cause this to happen. That much we know. Odds are it was a chromosomal abnormality. Odds are it should only happen once. That doesn't make the loss any easier. Each day does seem to get a little better. I can look at pregnant women without being jealous of them or feeling betrayed by my own body. I can hold some one esle's new born without crying for mine (easier than I expected it to be). I can shop for others' babies without crying. My heart still aches, and that will never go away completely, but it will get better. I know it.



I have Brian. He is wonderful! He is smart, caring, playful, and has a big imagination. He is saying sentences and having conversations with people and his stuffed animals. He drinks with a straw now, eats mostly with a spoon (unless it's more fun to use his fingers), and sleeps in a big bed (mattress on the floor). He goes up the stairs standing up while holding on to your hand. He still slides down on his belly. He goes down slides by himself. He runs. New words are learned everyday. He tells me when the cats need more food and when he wants food. He helps with the dishes (emptying and filling the dishwasher). And honestly, there are days he drives me crazy. But that's okay. He is a normal, happy, healthy toddler. He weighed in at his 2 year well baby check at 29 pounds and was measured to be 34 inches tall.